The Confusing History of Prehistory
Fox Mulder

Thanks to the painstaking research efforts by archaeologists and various other scientists over the past several decades, humans are now finally starting to construct a real picture of how our ancestors may have lived, died, and even interbred over the course of millennia. While these efforts serve to invaluably educate our species on its pedigree, they also fall far short of painting a picture of clarity and instead are providing a heavily granulated mosaic.

The Denisova Cave in Altai Krai, Russia

Due to its location, the Denisova Cave in the Bashelaksky Mountain Range of the Siberian region of Russia has an average year round temperate of just 32°F. Scientists are finding that this particular cave was once home to many of our ancestors and has basically become a cold storage for human and humanoid-produced artifacts (and remains) for the periods of time in which it has been left uninhabited and dormant.

First noticed to have significant archaeological value in the 1970’s, this cave has since yielded a treasure trove of absolutely priceless artifacts that give us a window back into history allowing us to see the work of early humanoid artists whose talent now echoes throughout time. Some of the most impressive pieces have impossibly small holes drilled into them which must have required a level of skill unparalleled for vast swaths of history considering the prehistorical tools available at the time.

Prehistorical artifacts from the Denisova Cave

When people speak of history they can usually get some sort of an idea of the time frames in question by comparing to their own experiences in life. If something occurred fifty years ago for instance they might picture what it’s like to live ten years of their life (then multiply that by five) whilst cross-referencing that to what they know occurs in the span of fifty years of recorded history. This is enough time for someone to be born and grow old, for business empires to rise and fall, and for technological advances to change our standards of living. What people can’t understand however is when we start to talk about the spans of time required in order to map out the history of the Denisova Cave. What we are talking about here are millennia, and once the conversation gets to that point, we need to try extremely hard to truly understand the subject material.

According to some of the latest research, this cave has a history of humanoid occupation dating to nearly as long as 300,000 years. This is insane. What makes it even more curious is that it isn’t the remains of modern humans that are the most exciting and perplexing (although they are present as well) but rather the remains of not one, but two early humanoid species also found in the cave – with most probably at least some eras of overlapping use. What this means is that multiple species most likely shared this cave together and just about certainly interbred while doing so.

Since we were first able to look up at the stars at night we’ve wondered from whence we came and with every passing year and development of technological advance we step teasingly closer to the answers that we seek. This never-ending “march of time”-like progression is something that we rely on to eventually fully enlighten us, and it helps us to sleep better at night thinking that eventually we’ll figure everything out and have all of the answers.

The Denisova Cave is one of the double-edged swords of these advances in our understanding because it has raised at least as many questions as it has answered about our history – not only just what happened and when but also, who ARE we? The typical historical narrative suggests that we are modern homo sapiens that migrated out of Africa some time after some of our earlier humanoid brethren had already done so, and after some contact with them or not, we were the only ones to survive to present day with the rest falling into history after becoming extinct for one reason or another. This story is nice and neat and sets modern humans up on some pedestal as having survived as a result of either being more highly evolved, intelligent, adaptable, fierce, or all of the above.

Excavations in the Denisova Cave

As archaeologists continue to dig up, sift through, study, and date the artifacts uncovered, it is increasingly looking like the humanoid species Neanderthal and Denisovan co-occupied this cave for millennia at a time, and this is not just one or two thousand years, but more like 96,000 years of co-habitation! This is where the modern human mind just cannot understand what is being said. This is such an astronomically high number of years for two humanoids species to be co-existing in the exact same place, that it is nearly impossible for them to have failed to interbreed together.

Imagine male and female humanoids living in the same cave together for forty-eight times as long as the distance in history between us today and when Jesus walked the earth. That is striking by itself, but now try to imagine them never having interbred and it becomes most obvious that they must have indeed.

Very fine artistic work of early humanoids

These implications are now actually being confirmed by scientists and are in fact, no longer just conjecture. A study in 2018 using the latest in “collagen peptide mass fingerprinting” technology has effectively proven the finding of the remains of a thirteen year old girl who was most likely the offspring of a Neanderthal mother and a Denisovan father. While these studies are certainly answering many, many questions of our history around the migrations and interactions of early humanoid species, they are diluting the clarity of the picture of exactly what other interbreeding occurred and what that means for us today.

As we listened to our instructors in class during our schooling we had a fairly clear painting of where we came from – and how – with regards to a Homo Sapien origin in Africa, followed by the great coastal migration and so on and so forth. This story was simple enough and made sense. With the latest discoveries from the Denisova Cave however, that picture is now becoming as pixelated as a low quality YouTube video to the point where it’s now nearly unwatchable.

If Neanderthals and Denisovans cross-bred, it is at the very least prudent to assume that further interbreeding occurred between Homo Sapiens as well. What does this mean? It means we are in fact NOT the same Homo Sapiens that broke out of Africa all of those years ago as we were told in our classrooms. Instead, it means that we’re something else…some hodgepodge mixture of early humanoid species crossed with those ALSO early humanoid Homo Sapiens, which altogether resulted in whatever we are today that can only be defined as “modern humans”. Maybe someday we will know who we are, but in the meantime we will keep looking to the stars and asking those questions as our historical genetic makeup continues to descend into an ever-complicated mosaic of confusion.

Mary Poppins…racist?!?!
Two-face

The ever-growing powder keg that the United States has developed into as of late has somehow elevated “racism witch hunts” to levels of absolutely stratospheric heights. Believe it or not, we now live in a world where anti-establishment agendas are being pushed SO hard, that those doing the pushing are actually violating their own principles with absolutely zero regard to even hide the obviousness of it all.

The latest salvo in this tiresome battle has been fired by Professor Daniel Pollack-Pelzner of Linfield College in Oregon, as he has so nefariously claimed that Julie Andrews exhibited racist behavior during one of the scenes of Mary Poppins. You read that correctly, Mary POPPINS is now being drug through the mud as part of some preposterous and asinine racist accusation that apparently even most Twitter users cannot understand.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/movies/2019/02/04/professor-accuses-mary-poppins-blackface-twitter-isnt-having/2773748002/

It’s difficult to explain how reality has gotten to the point where it is today that completely baseless and ridiculous concepts are listened to, pondered over, and frequently accepted (flat-earthers?). Claiming that the rooftop sequence where Poppins and others danced with soot covered faces is a racist minstrel outrage is not only unintelligent, but it’s downright malicious. One would think that America could expect more from one of its instructors of higher learning – apparently however even educated citizens are now stooping to astonishingly and shamefully low levels in order to stoke the flames of the chaotic racial downward spiral that this nation finds itself in, just to further their own twisted agendas.

It’s problematic at best for someone who would no doubt claim to not be a racist themselves to make these obviously invalid and absurd accusations against such a treasured piece of cinematic history. This film has been part of British and American culture for decades, and now in some lame attempt at either fame or race war bandwagon jumping, it’s being attacked and criticized for absolutely NO good reason. Professor Pollack-Pelzner… you should be downright ashamed of yourself because YOU are the racist here, NOT Julie Andrews or anyone involved with the production of this piece of art.

Unfortunately, behavior like this is no longer unheard of (rather it’s becoming the norm), and no doubt everything that has been going on with the US’ latest OBSESSION with racial and political bickering is what gave Pollack-Pelzner this demented idea in the first place. Notice that we never heard anything about Mary Poppins being racist until it was fashionable to say so? Hate inciting racists such as Pollack-Pelzner are one of the single largest threats to our nation in these precarious times when confusion abounds as the worlds of reality and complaining millennials collide.

It’s unclear exactly when living in the United States started equating to being stuck in an episode of the Twilight Zone, but one thing is for certain… we are THERE now. We live in a reality where kettle-calling racists are intentionally fueling the fires of hate in efforts to destabilize the public and it’s being accepted and listened to because of some current love for everything fake and illogical (flat-earthers again).

It is not a difficult concept to understand that constantly dwelling on, looking for, and blasting anything that could perhaps even remotely somehow be confusingly and purposefully misconstrued as racist IS BEING RACIST! Truly non-racist individuals don’t TALK about race, don’t THINK about race, don’t DWELL on race, and in fact ignore it altogether – that is the exact opposite of what individuals like Pollack-Pelzner are doing. Truly non-racist people see everyone as equally capable and don’t even have the thoughts inside of their heads to address racial differences at all – they simply don’t notice it.

What’s happening here is that certain groups and individuals don’t want us to all “get along” as Rodney King desired back in the 90’s, but in fact they want to drudge up and magnify everything that ever happened in the past (including some things that didn’t even ever occur, such as this latest Mary Poppins nonsense) in some vengeful attempt to tear down and destroy the American culture and any associated establishment. THIS IS ALSO RACIST people!

At some point… we are all going to have to return to reality. This episode is going to draw to a close, the credits will role, and American citizens are going to need to accept reality. The earth is NOT flat. Mary Poppins is NOT racist. Professor Daniel Pollack-Pelzner IS an idiot. Millenials DO need to work for a living; and fueling the fires of racism IS in fact incriminating oneSELF as being a racist. We are all on our way back to reality, but for now…we’re still stuck in the Twilight Zone.

Missing 411 CanAm… or Just Missing 911?
Fox Mulder

If a kid gets lost in the forest with a bear to keep him company but no one else witnesses it… did the bear exist at all?

While this play on the old philosophical tree-falling-in-the-forest question might seem silly, it’s at the forefront of the minds of both the parents of young Casey Hathaway as well as those who searched for him during his recent three-day absence in the wilderness of North Carolina.

https://www.cnn.com/2019/01/28/us/casey-hathaway-bear-claims/index.html

Going missing in the great outdoors is nothing new, it’s been happening since the beginning of time and more often than not during our modern era if the unfortunate soul’s body is found, evidence suggests a perfectly reasonable explanation as to the cause. Sometimes it’s a mountain biker that’s veered off of the trail and fallen down into a secluded ravine, or a cross country skier who has fallen upside down into the void existing in the snow under the branches of an evergreen. While these horrific examples are disquieting, they at least make sense.

What makes zero sense is how Casey Hathaway, a three-year-old boy without sufficient all-weather gear spent three nights in the wilderness alone and did not succumb to exposure – nights where the temperature dropped to as low as twenty degrees Fahrenheit. Or was he alone after all?

Per Casey’s immediate account of the events upon rescue he was actually befriended and looked after by someone, someone who in this case would have to be the least expected… a bear.

This at first seems like the delusions or hallucinations of a child’s mind as it endures the highest stress levels it has ever known and one may at first theorize that this must be some sort of defense mechanism that gets set off once a kid is in a situation of extended absolute terror.

While that all may be possible to explain Casey’s account, what it does not explain is how Casey physically survived this event with rain and temperatures so unforgiving that at times searchers were themselves turned away due to the extreme weather conditions.

What propels this incident further into the unexplained is that it is not the first of its kind, in fact it sounds eerily familiar to several accounts noted in the “Missing 411 CanAm” project run by investigator David Paulides covering disappearances of people from remote areas of the US and Canada.

Paulides – a former police detective – has been working on this effort for years now and has compiled a library of information on an increasingly disturbing phenomenon occurring in our nation and around the world today and supposedly throughout history – the disappearances of people from remote forested areas, usually abutting to large tracts of wilderness.

Several of the accounts Paulides has accumulated over the years bear a strong resemblance to Casey’s story. Whilst the vast majority of these unfortunate children are actually never found (or scant remains were later found), the few who have survived have described some friendly animal or creature as having assisted them through their ordeal, sometimes a wolf-life animal, sometimes a bear, but always something non-human and furry. One account even had the child claiming the bear had fed him berries, berries that doctors later confirmed were in the child’s stomach.

Of course the quickest explanation is that the kid ate the berries on his own and that those wild berries themselves perhaps containing some weak chemical or hallucinogen helped spur on the imagination. Nothing can be definitively proved here except that these children somehow survived when the others unfortunately did not.

If we think hard enough and back far enough here, people going missing in this specific area of North Carolina itself isn’t even a new phenomenon by any means, and once we start looking at things from a different angle, disturbing they become indeed – and very quickly.

This area of North Carolina is just north of the Croatan National Forest, which contains four wilderness areas and is named after the Croatan Indians, an Algonquian Native American group who’d called these lands home since time immemorial.

That by itself seems cause for no immediate concern save for those of us who remember the Lost Colony of Roanoke. This was the English colony that after three years without contact, in 1590 upon the return of reinforcements with supplies….was found with no one and nothing except for the word of “CROATOAN” carved into a tree trunk. Nothing was ever found of the settlers of that colony and to this day it’s completely unknown as to what happened to them or why they would’ve deserted their camp leaving only this cryptic word referencing the local Indians.

Some say this means the Indians themselves must have removed the colonists from their fort. Others insist the Croatan Indians only assisted these settlers. One thing is for certain, it all remains a mystery, with the Croatan tribe as a common denominator.

This doesn’t only suggest open hostilities toward the Colony of Roanoke however, for it is the Native Americans themselves who have many stories of their own of sacred places where strange things are known to happen, or places one must not go for fear of never returning. In fact, perhaps a cross-referencing is needed between the modern disappearances of people and the locations of Native American accounts of supernatural phenomenon.

Perhaps someday we will get to the bottom of the mysteries surrounding the disappearances of people and children from remote wilderness areas, or the unknowns underlying the history of the Croatan Indians and the Lost Colony of Roanoke in this region of what is now North Carolina. In the meantime however, we can rest assured that at least young Casey Hathaway’s name was not added to the list of those of the Missing 411 who were never seen again. Instead, he will now grow up to be an adult who can ask these questions along with us and perhaps even later be a key to our understanding of whatever it was that happened to him all those years ago in his youth.

Welcome back Casey.

It was said that the colonists had agreed that if they’d left the camp, they would carve their destination into a tree, and if the departure was by force, it would be accompanied by a carved Maltese Cross. No symbol was left with the carved letters, however the search of a nearby island bearing the same name as the Indians yielded no results. It remains a complete mystery what happened to this colony of settlers.

Chris Hansen arrested for….bouncing checks?
Starboy

Chris Hansen from NBC’s ‘To Catch a Predator’

Life makes little sense in this year two-thousand nineteen the year of our Lord however THIS takes the cake!

https://www.ajc.com/entertainment/celebrity-news/catch-predator-host-chris-hansen-arrested-for-bouncing-checks/fNHKkzNmP2AHeRNDYBpBUL/

Chris Hansen, from the various “To catch a …..” shows has been “caught” (he actually turned himself in) writing checks too large for his bank account.

Apparently Chris has been giving at least one guy the run around on some money owed and has written multiple bad checks over time. What’s astonishing about this is how it seems to unfold like a slow motion train wreck over months culminating in Chris very bizarrely turning himself in for said charge instead of just having worked everything out beforehand and having just paid his dang bills!

Chris has definitely done some good work over the years, I do hope he gets this straightened out and the aggrieved business owner compensated appropriately. Chris we hope you get back on your feet!

The Flying Dutchman
Captain Corn

This is a great documentary for those interested in relaxing late-night entertainment. Be ready to read subtitles however as the film is just about entirely non-English…